Hah

I don't even know why I'm this unhappy anymore.

Stupid prohibitionists

Why is it considered 'drug tourism' to smoke cannabis in Holland, but getting dangerously drunk in Ibiza or Eastern Europe or whatever doesn't have any such status? I actually listened to somebody say "I don't do drugs" whilst rolling up a cigarette, this person who also talks about drinking alcohol. These people are everywhere. We've been successfully convinced that a plant that just naturally occurs and can be smoked as it is with no ill effect is a 'drug', but a liquid, chemical intoxicant that can kill people is fine.

You'll never hear,

"We are working to put Holland under pressure, calling people who travel there to legally smoke 'drug tourists'. Even though this plant has never killed anybody, has been proven at very worst only habit forming and not addictive and has multiple medical benefits we'd sooner you got drunk."

I'm not happy

Nope.

Blargh

I feel more mellow now, intense night last night, lots of drink and music and junk and stuff. Think I was a bit annoyed in my last post, with myself, like I feel bad for keeping this blog 'cos its just a huge ego thing where I talk about myself like everybody wants to hear my stupid thoughts. But whatever, I could be doing worse while I'm online.

Wow, strange afternoon.

I had lots of strange things to say earlier.

incredibly dumb, incredibly ugly

Tired of trying to confine things to words, writing is an exhausting process. I've got a build of drafts, loose pages and notes and none of them seem worth pursuing. Right now nothing seems worth pursuing. Right now, it's always now. So I'm just drinking coffee and listening to music and enjoying the next couple of days doing nothing at all, until I have to start doing things on Monday. Out of weed, nice session last night though.

I feel like my stomachs being twisted with anxiety, I'm gonna get rid of the mirror in my room and totally change everything around. I sort of like that my room is messy right now though, it looks like it's been lived in and things have happened. So yeah, that's kind of cool. I'm sort of on the edge of things happening, and normally when I get to that point, all I see is a long fall, I don't even try and take off and see how it goes, I just move back and nothing changes. I just get older. So yeah, I'm gonna start doing stuff, I'm gonna metaphorically jump today or whatever. Wish me luck, if anybody ever reads this haha. If I crash and burn, at least I'll have something to report back here with.

I'm thinking of cutting my hair off too, the reason I don't is because I'm used to my face being sort of concealed, when it was really long especially so, but I've sort of took it gradually shorter. I'm just worried about how much I'm gonna dislike what I see after I do it, because I can only see me looking worse. There's lots of things I'd change about how I look and I think it would improve my life, but I'm also aware that stuffs superficial, and the only thing uglier than my appearance is my personality, especially when I talk about stuff like this. So yeah, to get rid of my hair would be another jump I suppose, and if I can live normally in spite of how I look, then I suppose that might be a good thing.

I probably sound unhappy, but I'm not. I'm looking forward to things, I've just got time on my hands to think before they start. I hate the fact I always have to seem happy, so I'd just sooner say what's on my mind, 'cos then if I talk about something happy at least it's sincere. Once work starts on Monday I'm going to try and apply stuff I've learnt at the monastery and not let everything get on top of me and screw up again, so I'll just try as hard as I can and see if that's enough. I'll be working to help other people, it'll be brilliant to have so much time to put other people before myself, and to support people who deserve support. The money I make is going to be saved up to travel and do things I wanted to do before my last job finished.

I hope I don't sound crazy. Peace out.

.

Linkin Park cover Rolling in the Deep

Bike Horse

Brilliant Current 93 song

Good Morning

Hahh

Dr Seuss

I love this song, and Valley Girl is an awesome film

Well, it's Saturday night and I'm still free
And I ain't never gonna be
Eaten by the monster of love

It's hard to fight it off much more
I hear it drooling by the door
Eaten by the monster of love

It ain't a pretty sight to see the way it leaves 'em
It chews them up and spits out creatures with those
Goo-gooy-ey eyes
Sick sickly smiles
It just isn't right

And my father said "don't worry, son"
But look at him, he should have run
Eaten by the monster of love

Well, it's worse than war, it's worse than death
There ain't too many left who ain't been
Eaten by the monster of love

Buy a dog and that might help
Sometimes, though, a dog gets grabbed and
Eaten by the monster of love

Eaten by the monster of love
Let it huff, let it puff
Eaten by the monster of love
I hate to gripe, but I just ain't the type

(Don't let it get me, don't let it get me)

I know some really good, good people
Overcome, and piece by piece they were
Eaten by the monster of love

Sometimes it takes a nip at me
But I'm too quick to ever be
Eaten by the monster of love

blargh

Fuck your Internet Celebrity Twitter and Facebook bullshit, feeling you're a part of something, centre of some special network. Friends with some other nobody who's also famous. Still in touch with people you can't be bothered to speak to for a few minutes over the phone, or to give a few hours to in real life one weekend. Artificial, computerised ego feed. I'm really not missing anything and I certainly don't miss you. I have enough real life friends without make believe e-fame friends. And who gets their hand on all the information you put on those social networking sites?  And nobody has anything good to say on those places, just junk about whatever junk was on TV or some stupid inside jokes or anecdotes about nights out. Nobody can do anything without informing everybody anymore. Everybody's approval and acknowledgement is so important.

From here onwards, the only thing I trust or support is sentimentalcorp.org

Pictures on wall

Marina Abramovic

Exit Here

One of my favourite songs, by my favourite band.

The Old Man Smiled
Will you die for me?
Do you love me enough to give up your life?
Standing here in the desert
The crumbling city
How much do you love me?
Can the world be as sad as it seems?
At this the old man smiled
Sitting there in Tangier
Scars running from his wrist to his elbow
Perhaps I’ll buy his book today
And I look at the boy with me hand on his thigh
As I move to the bed in the corner
And he started to smile
A plaintive smile of the boy as he lies on the bed
And the old man smiled as his
Prick started to twitch twitch twitch
And little drops felt out and fell to the floor
And he looked to the side
Wondering what to do with his knowledge
Cold cold water in the bowl by the bed on the floor
23 days and 23 hours of the day
And the old man smiled as the being swelled and the blood came
As he stuck the needle in his arm
Watching the blood burning and turning in the glass
Wondering where he’d be sitting tomorrow
Wondering which table his person would pass that day
Sitting in a café in Tangier
And down to his cable came Captain Clark
He’d worked on the ferry for 23 years and a day
Taking the junkies and the babies and the corpses to Spain
Looking at the coffins in a line across the water
You sink if you’re dead
Cold cold water
A cloud up above
And everyone’s equal if it rains on you
And the old man smiled
And his arm bent as he paid the bill
So I walked round the corner
To a room in the Bowery
And the boy was bent double naked on the floor
Rubbing himself with some kind of cream
And is this all a dream
Look at the blind men
Sitting in a row with white sticks
Takking at the TV screen
And they try to eat us
By the broken bed
They’re always mad
And Captain Clark welcomes you aboard
Flight 23 from New York to Mayami
And it crashes in a forest
Burning bodies growing clod
People spewing blood from their faces
Screaming “Why me?” “Why?”
And everyone says I’m mad
And everyone says I’m mad
The always say I’m mad
And I see myself in the gutter and the water
With the water wing gangrene dangling myself
Cos we really want to slaughter
Looking wide-eyed and so confused at the wall
It’s gone on so long I wonder just who is here
Cold cold water
Cold cold water
And the old man smiled as he walked back to the café
Drinking coffee as his friends just stood around
Can the world be as sad as it seems?
Do you love me?
With my knife against your throat
It could only be me
You would only do this for me
And the old man smiled
Just the same as before
Slowly getting old arranging his things
Making business neat and tidy
Sitting in a café in Tangier
That’s the way the world ends
With a whimper

Awesome

Songs

Magic wand

Magic Wand is now online at; www.projectmagicwand.com

Dreaming it

I got bored, confused, lost focus and now I'm trying to unclutter my mind. Psychoactive Front has joined Magic Wand, if everything works out as planned I'll be signed to a label, I just need to keep making money in the meanwhile...before I go crazy. I can't even write anymore, I try and nothing ever goes anywhere. Ideas never fully connect or come to anything. Constantly confused like life is one long ketamine comedown. Thoughts evaporate as soon as I come to putting them down, I have to consider quitting writing altogether. I'll learn a programming language, the ukulele or spend more time studying French.

Either ways, I can't waste anymore time, just staring at blank pages, waiting for them to fill themselves with minimum effort on my behalf. I tried stream of consciousness writing and found I had nothing to say, I try to think of things to say and it's never anything good enough to justify sharing. It gets draining after a while, thinking of yourself as being a writer and never having anything to show for it. In a last desperate attempt to see if this could ever possibly work I'm going to try and finish this terrible short story collection I've been thinking about working on all year. If I can get enough down in the next seven weeks I'll just distribute the collection somehow, so far it reads like a huge, desperate, transgressive distraction from reality, ugly, imperfect and amateurish.

I have no idea what happens from here, I haven't smoked in a week, I can't until I've addressed and resolved the very real problem of a complete lack of direction in my life. It is hard to develop any direction when every way seems to work in direct contrast with my nature, which is either simply lazy or unfulfilled by the material world. I think the former. I haven't wrote poetry in a while, I gave up on that all together, I think that was for the best.

I'm starting to think I want to make the most of my time, so I'm reluctant to start anything in case it doesn't work out. The irony of this is my uncertainty and low self esteem is the ultimate time waster. Its what keeps me at this computer for the first two hours after I wake up, coffee after coffee, planning out the day and feeling ready for it once its too late.

I've completed a demo as 'Psychoactive Front', it was a band or a project originally, now I've taken it on as a title. Along with around three others we've agreed to come under the 'Magic Wand' banner. I think the name came from Leanne, who writes poetry and has worked with us in the studio and on some tracks a few times. So, after almost a year of putting off distributing the demo it's time to set up an online home, distribute some CD's and get some kind of foundation to work from.

Terence McKenna

Parasite Dreams, Zeitgeist and Kymatica: Differing Presentations of Reality.

Here we have three films that strive to bring viewers to experience the nature of awareness, how knowledge can be a burden, or an immaterial yet highly valuable empowering force. Responses to Kymatica for example, are likely to involve feelings of enlightenment and realisation of a place (however small it may be) in a vast, chaotic universe. Parasite Dreams on the other hand presents an uncompromisingly nihilistic take on reality, one that encourages viewers to feel like indisputably worthless products of their culture, enslaved without exception. Zeitgeist falls somewhere in the middle, lacking the spiritual aspirations of Kymatica, and the haunting paranoia that bought about Parasite Dreams, it employs a more factual, informative approach as its foundation. Each of these three presentations of reality possess a distinct approach, a clear basis that serves both as the strength that garners unquestioning adoration, or the weakness that critics target exclusively.

Parasite Dreams immediately feels like the direct product of the paranoid misanthropy of creator Britney Morgentaler and the people of Goat Worship. Little is known of the individuals behind Parasite Dreams, and I merely assume Morgentaler is the primary creative mind behind the series. The eight episodes or 'dreams' that make up the series also carry a health warning. My first impression was that this was a gimmick, or a creative device applied to intensify any unease felt upon watching a dream. The warning reads ominously;

“ If you have, or suspect you have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) or (MPD) Multiple Personality Disorder, the moderator urges you to LEAVE THIS PAGE NOW… IT IS FULL OF TRIGGERS.

“

Whilst often passed off as a trick played on vulnerable viewers, members of online communities have stated they feel certain individuals would do well to take heed of this warning even if they haven't been diagnosed with those two particular conditions, DID and MPD. Indeed, Parasite Dreams is the work of an apparently paranoid and nihilistic mind, and the response felt by viewers could come to have them consider their own perception and thought processes. A rational, sane person would, I imagine, dismiss Morgentaler's hateful portrayal of mainstream Western culture, decadent, lazy and subservient to a cruel, almost non-human upper class ruling elite. In Parasite Dreams celebrities gather in sinister, cult like congregations. In one instance rapper 50 cent describes his struggle to push inner city youths towards violence and gun crime though music.

According to Morgentaler the world around us is the work of a select few, our food is poisoned and every soundwave and television image manufactured to maintain a state of mass slavery. Means of correcting this abuse of communication and technology are not suggested. Maybe most viewers would dismiss the reality presented by Morgentaler, based on its sheer outrageousness, whilst others would be won over, for better or worse. In the same way a therapist must be mentally fit to handle his or her sessions with patients, a viewers response to Parasite Dreams may be entirely dependent on their own state of mind.

I believe all three of these presentations of reality, are watched with a desire to feel enlightened, with the urge to find a realistic new direction, entirely unrelated to the monetary system and societal convention. In a world that many have come to believe is suffering a complete spiritual collapse, a world suffering from the collective apathy of the masses comes Parasite Dreams. If the health warning is indeed more than a gimmick, we can assume certain viewers may feel they immediately connect to the world of Parasite Dreams. Abstract fears are made tangible by the grotesque animated visuals, there may be viewers who will not return to the world they once knew after watching a dream, to such viewers Parasite Dreams may be perceived as a direct, uncensored reflection of every day life.

Parasite Dreams preys on the need for answers possessed by viewers, this desire for a solution is easily transformed to a sense of hopelessness and a complete lack of belief in our ability to influence our every day lives. Each dream launches a full scale attack on the psychological fragility of those who feel lost. Popular, recognisable figures, celebrities and politicians are shown to be sexually abusing children, individuals such as Barack Obama who we already assume to be powerful or belonging to stations above our own are presented as monsters by Morgentaler, entirely free to abuse their positions. In Parasite Dreams there is a ruling class, one that is entirely unrestricted by the laws that govern our own lives, it frighteningly easy to assume we only known a very small portion of what occurs in upper echelons of society, to some viewers it may not seem so outrageous that the evil illustrated in Parasite Dreams is not totally removed from reality.

In defence of Parasite Dreams, I've heard members of web forums and others I know personally say the series is an essential and important response to mainstream media and the dangerously self serving politicians and celebrities that seem to define who we all are today. Some may feel reassured they are not alone in their criticisms of mainstream culture and consider Parasite Dreams to be something that puts words and images to thoughts they could never fully understand or present to others. Be it a hatred of social networking sites or an uncompromising stance against the current occupations of Iraq and Afghanistan, Parasite Dreams may bring about a better awareness of our subconscious hopes and fears. The hope for change in a world more endangered than we every previously realised.

Depending on how you look at it, Parasite Dreams is entertaining, bizarre scenarios such as Barack Obama playing National Socialist punk rock music at a disco can possibly be interpreted as surreal, black comedy when removed from the inherent message within each dream. In one scene, during the sixth dream, Santa Claus describes infant sacrifice to Baal, or Beelzebub, one of the seven princes of Hell and a deity worshipped in the city of Ekron, according to the Old Testament. Two children stand silent, listening to an unsettling description of babies cooked alive. Again, responses to these outrageous sequences depend entirely on the viewers state of mind, some may dismiss these scenes as pretentious, with no relation to every day reality, whilst others may be bought to question the actual worth of their own religious and cultural traditions.

Parasite Dreams places blame on humans, we shoulder the blame for our situation collectively, each and every one of us connected to human cruelty and the actions of our fellow man and woman. We are left frustrated, aware of our lack of ability to change anything other than our own perception. Our ideas lack potency, we can voice them but without consequence. Characters that express frustration or voice their opposition to what is deemed acceptable in the world of Parasite Dreams are ignored, mocked or dismissed. There is no real confrontation as a result of opposing views, this is an interesting way of suggesting however well crafted your argument or elaborate your belief the system will remain entirely unthreatened.

Parasite Dreams does not set out out to influence or persuade viewers to any specific way of thinking or to any particular morals or ideas, it has no agenda other than to present its creators idea of reality. We are all responsible for our own reaction to Parasite Dreams, the confusion, indifference or paranoia that may follow viewing.

Kymatica presents reality in a more spiritual light, it suggests that there is a reality we are presently unconscious to, one that could be our saviour, a state that has been lost with the ways of ancient Shamanic tribes, the onset of technological progressions and uncorrected faults in our culture. The creator of Kymatica, Ben Stewart, is keen to point out we are not to blame, as our 'false ego', is the driving force of all that is bad, it is apparent in each human being, and it is currently winning over our true self, the state we must attain to experience reality. The film suggests we can each attain reality and liberation by simply becoming aware of our true selves, we need not look further beyond our value as human beings, and in spite of what our lives suggest, we are extremely valuable and spiritual beings. The extent to which the viewer believes in the idea of false ego and true self may be what decides their view on Kymatica overall. Kymatica views all human behaviour as related to true self or false ego. This dualism is apparent in all acts of good and bad.

Kymatica is the most poetic of the three presentations of reality, outer space footage, an ambient soundtrack, biblical imagery and a narration that makes spiritual concepts tangible and compatible with our every day life. There is also an optimism the other films lack that is present from the start of Kymatica, Stewart explains how destructive human behaviour is bound to lead to an evolution, one that will inevitably take place when the time is right and bring about a positive change in direction. Stewart also supports the idea we are all one and connected to everything beyond our species, we are one self. In the world of Kymatica there is no need for fear, we have a place, untouchable liberties and limitless potential. It is only an illusion, a product of our own and others false ego that we are lost, restricted or bound to destruction.

Similar to Zeitgeist Kymatica details the connection between Bible stories and historical astronomical events. Unlike Zeitgeist, however, this is not done in a manner that discredits the bible. Battles amongst deities in the Bible are interpreted as allegorical stories that were inspired by the movement and collision of planets. Stewart explores the idea Angels, Devil's, Cherubim and God himself are all within us, they are all metaphors for aspects of our psyche. The Devil is the false ego, God is the true self.

".....as we barrel through history with oceans of information yet barely a drop of wisdom, we have to understand how we lost our self."

By giving into the false ego we become serial sinners, Stewart considers this to be due to a breakdown in communication, one that leads to humans behaving in a manner that reflects cancer. We expand, oblivious to signals sent by the greater body we are within, suffering based on our inability to know ourselves. Looking at mainstream human values and our behaviour as a species all over the planet it is hard to dispute we are presently making the wrong decision and ignoring the vast potential of communication. Stewart explains that language has deteriorated, and through losing the original meaning of words in ancient languages and the frequencies produced when speaking those words we find it harder to communicate the idea of our true self.

Distinguishing Kymatica from Parasite Dreams and Zeitgeist is the idea of the natural self, the concept our birth names allow others to assume ownership over us. We are something beneath our title, our title is the name of a corporation that can be influenced and controlled for profit by a powerful few. We are advised to pursue our natural self, our consciousness and essence beneath the name, job and cultural background. This is another aspect of Kymatica that I felt set it apart as the most uplifting of the three films.

Kymatica humanises the cosmos, portraying planets as conscious, living beings, responding to stimuli, vibrating and moving through space, much in the same way as our species. This idea is later linked to the philosophy of astrology, that our emotions and behaviour can be influenced by planetary movement, the idea that signals, magnetic fields and solar energy play an important, influential role in our place on earth. Realising our connection with the cosmos as a whole, that all is one great vibration, elaborately connected and God is merely another word for consciousness form the first steps of understanding the true self.

The title refers to Cymatics, the study of sound and vibration made visible to the human eye. The idea that sound waves play an important role in influencing and even shaping the physical world. An example of this is given in a quote by Swami Murugesu, a Sri Lankan spiritual teacher who placed a great deal of importance on the power of sound;

“By filming a burning candle while repeating certain sounds, the flame of the candle will be seen to burn differently as each different sound is uttered.”

This leads one to consider the true cost of the deterioration of language, how it has been reworked to suit the select few who wish to continue ownership of the planet and its inhabitants. Examples of this include mistranslations in the Bible and the idea that duality can be reduced to merely Good and Evil. A greater understanding of language, spiritual tradition and the role sound plays in human emotion and well being is another aspect of understanding the true self. Reality in Kymatica is something that can be attained, without exception, from within. We are capable of waking ourselves up and at least having a more more lucid, clarified understanding of our present situation.

The Zeitgeist series also urges to viewer to wake up, not by a change in perspective but in situation, this includes complete rejection of the monetary system and government bodies. I will focus on Zeitgeist: The Movie, the first of three films and the one that seems to define most peoples impression of director Peter Joseph's objectives.

In many respects Zeitgeist is the most difficult of the three films to defend. Early in the film Peter Joseph suggests the Jesus story existed in numerous historical cultures, including ancient Egypt and that the entire Jesus story is an allegorical reference to the movement of the Sun in relation to Earth over the Winter Solstice. On an immediate level this is convincing, so certain of itself that is is difficult to dispute, independent research after watching, however, will lead many viewers to reconsider the credibility of this opening gambit. There is little to no evidence the Jesus story is distinctly apparent in the lives of deities such as Horus as is suggested in the film, and all such claims are lacking any real sources. Individuals on the Internet have dedicated themselves to debunking Zeitgeist, something that has created a degree of militancy in its followers, to the point of forming a 'Zeitgeist Movement'. Whilst personally open to the idea astrology played a role in the conception of Biblical myths and folk stories, I don't consider this to be an important aspect of Zeitgeist's core objectives. Some viewers have even suggested the present movement should separate itself from the films and work independently of Joseph.

Religious themes aside, Zeitgeist explores the events that led to and surround 9/11 with admirable attention to detail. It is also another interpretation of a sensitive subject that many have dedicated themselves to debunking. More so than Kymatica and Parasite Dreams, there is a desire to believe apparent in viewers of Zeitgeist, they are tired of profiteering, war mongering politicians and the scare tactics played by religious leaders and Zeitgeist is something that gives voice to the disillusionment of its viewers.

“Nothing is more profitable for international bankers than war.”

Joseph is confident 9/11 was an inside job, given the go ahead by government officials and used to gain greater control over American citizens and as an excuse to make billions of dollars by the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan. I stand by the opinion I had before watching Zeitgeist, whilst convincing in its arguments, I don't feel it important whether or not the American government orchestrated 9/11. What's really important is the indisputable reality, America's open and documented response to the attack. We are seeing a repeat of previous senseless wars and invasions, the loss of civilian life and no sign of progress or overcoming the apparent enemy, whoever the enemy actually is. I imagine a great majority of Zeitgeist viewers have come to disagree entirely with the idea war can settle human differences and make way for a better tomorrow, and they are confident we are being systematically lied to in order to have us support the profitable occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan.

Conspiracy theories aside, Zeitgeist simply reminds us that somebody has to be paid to rebuild bombed villages, to extract oil and to produce weapons.

It is hard to deny George W Bush used 9/11 to incite nationalistic fervour and win over American citizens. The west had a new enemy, the modern replacement of Communism in the form of Islam. Terrorist, terrorism, weapons of mass destruction, jihad, these words are to this day repeated almost hypnotically, convincing us of an inhuman, evil threat that we must bomb until it goes away. On the ground level the invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan are based on the belief an ideological system, steeped in history can be killed. Members of government, however, have ordered the invasions knowing full well the potential for profit and future influence in Middle Eastern affairs. Zeitgeist suggests Cheney watched over the attack on the Twin Towers, it was simply meant to happen, everything went to plan on September 11^th .

In desperate, poverty stricken times, seemingly void of direction and consciousness Zeitgeist represents hope, for its committed supporters at least. If Parasite Dreams presents a reality beyond salvation, Kymatica the suggestion we have been removed from reality, Zeitgeist is an attempt to incite people to challenge the present political and monetary framework, it is very real and very dangerous. I felt Zeitgeist's main strength to be its complex exploration of money production and the impact it has on human lives, we are effectively slaves who have dedicated our lives to a concept, the idea paper carries value and is what comes before all else. Science, philosophy, art and human compassion are meaningless in the face of the monetary system, everything has come to depend on money and value is viewed solely in financial terms. The individuals with the most influence and say in world events are not spiritual figures, nor are they pacifists or teachers, they are bankers, some fourth generation Rockefeller and inheritors of artificial wealth.

Joseph describes events in American banking history that are harrowingly easy to connect to the class divisions and degrees of poverty that exist to this day. Decisions to seize the public's gold in order to bail out the Federal Reserve Bank, Joseph explains how significant banking figures used the depression of 1933 to their advantage, stating the potential for banks to collapse if not bailed out by the public. Members of the public, fearful of losing all the money they had given over to banks handed over their gold, something that possessed real value as opposed to the assumed and entirely flexible value of currency. To this day the public is responsible for correcting the errors of bankers, prices soar and the loss of balance between price and income becomes greater and greater. One man, in this case Joseph, cannot bring about a complete rejection of the monetary system, but viewers are encouraged to at least be aware of the debt, poverty and starvation we are doomed to repeat if we continue to play what is essentially a game with no ending, the pursuit of money by any means.

Individuals opposed to Zeitgeist have stated rejection of the monetary system is inherently lazy, that humans need financial and material incentive to accomplish anything. I consider great scientists and artists who lived in relative poverty, misunderstood by peers and rejected in their age, I consider individuals such as Nikola Tesla who worked to benefit mankind with their inventions, this potentially being the primary objective, not money. The rejection of the monetary system, as encouraged by Zeitgeist is also criticized by many as a form of idealism, a Utopian idea with little weight in the reality, I find it hard to see fault in possessing hope and optimism in times of great distress and suffering.

Zeitgeist ends with Bill Hicks famous 'It's Just a Ride' speech, which is interesting as the entire film up to this conclusion suggests the dangers we are confronted by on a daily basis are very real. Maybe the ride is extremely real, but only if we allow it to be, in the same way currency is only valuable if we choose to accumulate it, or religious traditions are only significant if we are born to a certain time or place. Considering Hicks speech after watching Zeitgeist led me to think of the ride as a construct, built on the foundations of collective conciousness. Some individuals have learnt to change the direction and form of our collective consciousness, not contributing but restricting and destroying in an unimaginably self serving manner. It is indeed just a ride, but there is evidence to suggest there are also operators and they must be done away with for the sake of our planet, species and self.

References;

http://www.gayathripeedam.com/2007/07/science-of-mantra.html

www.imdb.com/title/tt1166827/

http://dotsub.com/view/8ca87c4f-79d7-4eae-92da-37123be1872c/viewTranscript/eng

http://sentimentalcorp.org/

Exploring a quarter life crisis without moping.

It's weird, I feel like we all have this umbilical type attachment to our childhood self, ourselves full of hope, far out of reach of ageing let alone dying. There are freedoms we're allowed, lives to be lived the fullest and chances to build the foundations of what we will be later. It's the contrast between skateboarding to college, to commuting to a job that clouds your mind and warps your perspective.  The reality is we don't realise any of this as children, or young adults, and one morning we wake up and whatever once connected us to who were were is severed. We're met by faces in the mirror we only vaguely recognise, leading shadows of the lives we once planned. We can all imagine ageing, guessing what it'll be like, but the reality is it catches you off guard, when you least expect it to. You never expected it to happen this soon.

Waking up, eyes dark from a lack of sleep, mind lazy from unending routine, continuous loops without any alteration. Waking up, hairline receding, or turning grey, or both, indicating what's to come. Waking up, fine lines running from the sides of your nose to the edge of your lips, skin lacking the glow it once possessed. Waking up, realising its getting harder and harder to actually WAKE UP and do anything about anything. I don't think anybody is truly ready to ever give up youth, and it's hard to admit when its gone.

Youth is a time when things can always get better, there's time, there's always plenty of time and you don't feel the need to be equipped for when it starts running out. Because that's so far away. But it isn't linear, ageing isn't a steady development, it's an abrupt wake up call at a point in your life when it's hardest to wake up. You begin to wonder what you're meant to be good at, what to do about it, you realise your time is coming and you've got a lot of work to do if you want something worthwhile to look back on. But what good is the need to be better, to go further and work harder when all the hope stayed with your past self, when you're so disillusioned you don't even know if you want to play this game anymore.

Nostalgia gets increasingly intense, we recall everything with an otherworldly shine, the parties, the people we loved, the places we used to go, the person we once were. Then we think about how our teenage years were not what they should or could have been, all the things we would do differently, the experiences we could pursue that we didn't when we had the chance. Our desire to go back and live life to the fullest is another thing distracting us right now. I hope my desperation for things to get better, to be able to look at myself and like what I see, to learn and accomplish will be enough. I hope it'll keep me aware and ready to take opportunities as they come my way, and that feeling worn out and passed it will turn to feeling full of experience.

I've recorded some new tracks, I worked with a friend to get a couple of new songs down and online. I've been making music for the past four or five years, I played bass in a band at one point and enjoy the sense of achievement I get from hearing something I made played back. Nothing else in day to day life provides me with that, the feeling I get when listening to or reading the end result is like nothing else. I'm certain as I get older I will become more creative, I will have to, or I'll go insane or switch off all together. I'm not interested in art, or pursuing concepts or making statements, just transferring my own imagination to words or sounds and not even considering what anybody else might think of it. I don't know whether that suggests I'm really egotistical or the complete opposite.

I will post here again tomorrow, I'm finding this really difficult to put together, words aren't coming out right and all the ideas I had this morning seem to have gone missing. I'll make more sense tomorrow, I hope.

One toke over the line

"I was born to give and take

But as I keep growin' I'm gonna make some mistakes
Sun is gonna set and the bird is gonna wing, they do not lie
My last wish will be just one thing, I'm smilin' when I die"

Updates coming soon :)

Some more pictures

I've been away for a while, and been nowhere at all

I can't get my head around my complete lack of motivation at times, how little I'll actually accomplish in such a large amount of time. How little I've accomplished in twenty two years. Every day, countless possibilities, yet we're caught in a loop, a sequence of repeated events over and over again. Entire lifetimes can be spent that way, with no time ever been taken to know yourself. To view the subconscious. When you come to look for yourself, it's near impossible to get past ideas, cultural distinctions, opinions, beliefs, desires and fears that have been taken on board via media and other peoples second hand view points. I don't know how to spend a day, what I should be learning and where I should be going, I'm entirely oblivious to everything, but I'm certain there is something missing. Some aspect of human nature that isn't taught, something to do with the need to explore consciousness and exist on a more spiritual level where sharing takes priority over competing. A situation where awareness comes to be deemed more important that knowledge. I believe without awareness our knowledge is destined to be destructive.

In all our progress we destroyed something very simple, but essential to our being. I don't know what it is, but certain plants and chemicals, certain activities can hint towards it. I believe it involves the reduction of ego in a world where ego is everything, the ability see beyond the innumerable terms used to move each individual further apart.  We're alienated from each other and from ourselves, we should begin by first knowing ourselves and then work from there. To know ourselves we have to see past the terms we've been taught to think in, what we've been told is wrong, who we've been told wants to kill us, what we've been told is necessary and good for us. We need to see past our own birth names and the documentation that identifies us. LSD is is a chemical accelerator, it is by know means instant enlightenment, but an insight into just how vast and deep our consciousness it, how detailed it is in all its beauty and impurity.

It's weird, I spend day after day just thinking and planning. I think about how I'm going to break the constant loop, the subconscious fears, the urge to play by the rules. I tell myself I'll work in the system, awaiting the first opportunity to break out, but considering how much I've missed so far, I'll probably miss that too. I think so much, then when I come to transfer my thoughts to writing all the words escape me. I call myself a writer because I think so much about writing. Enough of that, I probably sound like a paranoid conspiracy theorist, I just feel deep down something really, very wrong is happening and until will shift the primary focus of our lives to awareness we will continue to destroy ourselves and others.

I want to keep this blog going but I actually have nothing to say. I keep trying to speak from my own perspective, avoiding second hand terms and ideas but it's near impossible. I'd like it if this blog wasn't read with the belief that these are the views and ramblings of one individual, but a representation of ideas possessed by many. I'm not important, this is just information I've processed and have now transferred to this page.

I love coffee. I wake up groggy, worn out and feeling generally run down every morning, but I like it that way. Because that feeling makes coffee all the more enjoyable, I think that's how we should live our lives. We should enjoy being imperfect, and embrace what we don't have in the immediate, because it's all the greater when we achieve it. This remind's me, I need a new caffetiere, (Have I spelt that wrong?) my friends brother bought a huge bag of coffee back from Ethiopia and I'm looking forward to trying it. It smells pretty awesome.

I'm starting a new job next week, I'm not totally looking forward to it, but I'm open to the possibility I might end up enjoying myself and will most certainly learn new things and meet new people. I'm already working on music compilations to play on the journey to work. Daniel Johnston is pretty awesome, just simple, pure and uplifting. Music is one of the most potent drugs, it is no anti-drug, you take in the sound, the vibrations and experience a magical, euphoric reaction. It is one of my favourite drugs.

The weather is awesome anyway, I'm gonna tidy up and get outside, maybe call up some friends and just walk round the park or visit the nature centre over the road. They have goats and peacocks. It's weird when you see animals like that together, I always wonder how they perceive each other. Thanks for reading anyway, I appreciate it.

The Daily Heil continues to pursue its bizarre anti-cannabis agenda

The tragic death of a girl has been used by the far right bigots at the Daily Mail to promote the idea Cannabis creates psychotic criminals. The Mail is a notoriously conservative, often racist and a hysterically trashy news paper, its attitude towards cannabis is highly out of date and delusional. BBC3's 'Should I smoke dope' made front page news and prohibitionist, reactionary slug Peter Hitchens is a columnist for the paper. The headline places focus on the fact the murderer apparently smoked cannabis before committing his crime. A killer will be a killer with or without cannabis, at no point is this stated in the article.

Prohibition gives newspapers a great deal of moral influence, drug stories can help gather supporters and allow parasitic journalists to target and attack individuals based on their use of cannabis. There are stories in history of journalists selling cannabis to celebrities, just to photograph them smoking from afar at a later point. It was a newspaper that apparently sold out the rolling stones, sending authorities to a party they were holding, and smoking at. Drug stories can create fear amongst naive readers, as outrageous as it seems there are still people out there that consider the Daily Mail a credible source of information on cannabis. As science continues to prove the relatively benign nature of the plant and more people realise it's economic and environmental value, right wing press is required to take a moral stand. They will go to any lengths and will continue to lie if it contributes to the continuation of prohibition.

France Gall again :)

When we grow...

Nothing that hasn't been said before, but it is always interesting to hear from different perspectives, cannabis patients and intelligent recreational users.

Please watch.

Hmm

We pretty much need a license to exist. We're advanced in the same way a modern computer is. I just sometimes get this feeling that there's something missing, or that there is something we've been taken away from. Like in everything we're taught a great deal of wisdom is lost and self awareness is almost entirely abolished. We've been cut off from the past and been given an idealised version of it, to suit those in positions of government and financial authority and in all our hundreds millions, the best we can do is protest. That's where the evolution comes in though, we can only continue down a destructive path for so long until we have to resolve the issue or adapt to it, and I think we'll all be high when things start getting better.

All this is opinion and half baked theory anyway.

I just heard Amsterdam makes £2.5 billion a year from  cannabis tourism, I wonder how much the UK spends a year on prohibiting it and imprisoning innocent people...

Prohibition is anti-human

"It is not a war on drugs, it is a war on personal freedom."

History will not look back on prohibitionists with respect, and their 'war' is impossible, as it is a war against human nature and the natural world. They assume moral authority over another individual, they lie in order to enforce that authority and they ruin the lives of those who do not keep in line. Speaking philosophically, I believe we forget that we are human, we lose track of our human self in culture and the aspirations of others. We become our name, our ego, our taught values and absorb all the information we are given through various media whilst never pausing to consider what purpose it serves. Justification for Cannabis prohibition constantly changes, but still costs billions and still invades a very basic human freedom.

Why would any group or individual dedicate themselves to making a plant that has been used for over 2,000 years by humans and grows freely across the globe, a plant that has never taken a life and could potentially boost tourism and the economy illegal? None of that actually matters, as a human being there is no moral authority on this subject, a society that prohibits any aspect of nature is a paranoid and sickly one, fearful of personal freedoms. It is at war with its own species, not a plant or a chemical. Prohibition is only allowed to exist due to apathy and fear on a mass scale, we are lied to from a very young age, and then the lie is continued in television and right wing, tabloid newspapers.

Throughout history unbiased scientists have granted Cannabis with a pretty much clean bill of health, ill effects being so temporary and vague they're hardly worth considering. They have confirmed it is not cancerous, in spite of rabidly conservative Daily Mail articles, it has been confirmed first hand to have a multitude of health benefits. But the fact remains, none of this matters, as a human, born to this planet there are basic freedoms that are untouchable and unshakable, and to imprison and persecute one who has not harmed another dehumanises the victim of prohibition. As long as we fear the plant, or take the prohibitionist seriously we are animals, chained to the bizarre moral ideas of another man's foundation. Moral authorities assume themselves, and when their cause becomes futile they fabricate and exaggerate, stirring emotions, making people fearful of the contents of their own mind, binding them to carefully manufactured cultural values and the concept of family.

Whilst not as extreme as it once was, Cannabis prohibition still helps build public perception of what a Cannabis smoker is. Whilst I once would have been considered a threat to national security or part of  a degenerative hedonistic sub-community, destined to become insane, I am now deemed unmotivated and unfit judge or my own mental and physical health. According to the television Cannabis smokers are usually working class teenagers who have dropped out of school to pursue their 'addiction', living in squalor. The other depiction of a Cannabis smoker is somebody who is mentally ill, the state of their mental health prior to smoking Cannabis is never considered, the emphasis is placed on the fact that this person is mentally ill and they also smoke cannabis. This trash is implanted in our sub-conscience over the course of years until we simply accept it, the idea we are being lied to is just unfeasable.

We are being lied to, history has proven their intentions to be insincere and their approach to be morally bankrupt and dishonest.

They do not care about your health, and if they did they would bring attention to Cannabis harm reduction techniques. I recall seeing a documentary in which a doctor goes on about Cannabis smokers coming into hospitals with punctured lungs, not commenting on whether or not they were also tobacco smokers or whether or not they were made aware of vaporising technology that is available. But as long as the fight continues to prove cannabis is good, cannabis is healthy, cannabis won't turn you into a murderer or manic depressive we will still be losing. Anti-prohibitionist defence is ignored by the mainstream whose lifestyles are still based on and sustained by television, the fact is, we have nothing to prove and nothing to be sorry for. I don't need to explain my lifestyle or accomplishments or ambitions to anybody, I am a cannabis smoker and what you do with that information is your business, your authority is your own illusion and all the money in the world won't win the 'war on drugs'.

We exist in a constant state of competition, conflict and fear. We compete tirelessly for the paper representation of wealth, against or fellow man as though this is the way to build a better and civilised world. All of our emotion and physical energy is dedicated to this one cause, from our first day at school until we die. We learn, we keep learning from a young age, and not once are we ever encouraged to learn about ourselves, our own consciousness or to develop a drop of wisdom. We take the paperwork that identifies 'us' seriously, the driver cannot exist without a license, a human cannot exist without the appropriate certificate and so on. We're lost in the madness of another's ideal, of our own individual fear and apathy. Cannabis does not fit into this scheme, it creates a closeness to nature and opens minds, changing our perception allowing us to laugh at what once made us cry with stress.

Prohibition has turned Cannabis smoking into a statement, one that is anti-establishment and says YES to basic human freedom. The place of cannabis in history and spirituality and political liberation is ignored by the mainstream so many can only perceive the plant as an intoxicant or a party drug, cannabis is not to blame in this situation.

I'd ask anybody who disagrees with the content of this article to explain how their knowledge could benefit me, what good is their higher knowledge to me, and who gave them the information they base their prohibitionist ideas on. Everything we know is learnt and second hand, I don't consider anything I have to say to be profound or new, but more importantly I don't believe anything I have learnt should grant me moral authority over anybody who has not led my life. I would not want to see anybody punished for refusing to smoke cannabis as doing so is a ludicrous invasion of personal freedom and choice, the reverse situation is exactly the same.

High sativa weed...whoa

This amnesia haze. I just took my mind apart and just evaluated my life up to this point from a thousand different perspectives, music sounded almost as deep and intense as it would on say, acid. At some points it got to be too much, depressing and unnerving even, then I played Funkadelics 'Maggot Brain' and closed my eyes and it was like listening to God play guitar. Either ways, I've woke up today motivated like never before, I feel like I've just had my eyes pried open, totally against my will, but for my own good it seems.

Fuck, the whole thing just caught me off guard, I need to fix my life. I've experienced a lot that I've set out to, in general living and drugs and enjoying myself. But I feel like I've got no foundations and I'm running out of time to start building them, I'm 22 and I feel really old, like I've lived my most valuable years without considering so many things. I've been single for about four years, other than a few one night stands and shit, I've had nothing. I feel like I'm to blame for this, 'cos I never realised my situation earlier. I've never held down a job for longer than a year 'cos I can just feel every moment being wasted and unlived, and every day it just feels heavier and heavier. I want to live, and I can't even begin to work out how.

Last nights session exposed me to my own situation and put all the responsibility into my hands, shit. Anybody else feel really lost and confused right now? Either way, tomorrow I'm going out to make some money, whatever it takes to get the ball rolling, so long as I keep all this in mind I'll do my best to ensure my time isn't wasted.

-SWIM

Cannabis and the Ukulele

Man, just the idea of having an ounce and a ukulele, just the most chill instrument in the world. Something tranquil and otherwordly about it, its sound just suggests escape and positivity.

Anyway, I watched the documentary 'Grass' earlier this week, I was aware of racist campaigns against cannabis that were carried out by America in the jazz era, but did not realise even back then there was opposition in place. Not just liberal and progressive, but scientific and political. Politicians opposed to Ansligers hysteria and bigotry spoke against prohibition and were as ignored then as they are today. Money spent on Cannabis research, to prove its dangers, were unsuccessful and even in the 30's it was all set with a clean bill of health. Anslinger had all scientific research thrown away and accused the scientists of being communists.

Billions continue to be spent on anti-cannabis propaganda, prohibition and imprisoning victims of the drug war, but it makes sense that more money is also made due to prohibition. The Cannabis plant would be an immense rival to paper, oil, pharmacy and fabric companies, and would reduce the popularity of dangerous anti-depressants and opiates. Think of a world where people turn to THC to ease headaches, instead of aspirin, a drug which thousands die from using every year.

It will be mentioned in every pro-cannabis argument, but Cannabis has never killed anybody, ever.

Back then Cannabis could turn you into a Communist, or suggested being seduced by black culture. Later it could turn you into a psychopath, then an anti-vietnam hippy or a potential heroin addict. Years after that, you'd be deemed unmotivated and unfit to take part in society, making you worthless in a world where paying taxes means everything and employment is at an all time low. If they could still take the racist stand against cannabis they would, now they've just changed their game, that doesn't mean its not bullshit.



Currently playing;

Jake Shimabukuro

Currently smoking;

Amnesia Haze

Hank Hill

Screw You

Argh

Think I'm going to be at Kanyini tonight, I just feel out of touch from everything and everybody, constantly broke and going nowhere. I feel like I've stopped knowing people, so I feel out of place at clubs and raves, like I don't belong and it shows.  Kanyini is the kind of place everybody knows everyone too, where middle aged hippy looking couples distribute magic mushrooms and trade you acid for a hit on your joint. You get caught in conversations about 2C-x's and Terence McKenna, listening to psytrance in a room decorated with Buddhist artwork. I enjoy myself there anyway.

I'm just trying not to worry that I'm going nowhere until I have a direction to go in anyway. I've been putting together some short stories, when they're eventually done I'd like to distribute them somehow, just for some sense of accomplishment or recognition. When it will actually all come together is another matter.

I feel left behind since having dropped Facebook, I phone people and they seem surprised to hear from me, just calling somebody to say hello has become an archaic concept, dropping comments on a wall has replaced just dropping in on somebody to see how they're doing. I dislike the structure of Facebook and how it plays such a significant role in actual real life relationships, I'm sure there's an alternative still in place anyway.

I've got nothing to say right now, I just wanted to update.

Dude

 

 

Sidney Bechet

Watched an awesome blues documentary last night, got listening to Lucille Bogan and Muddy Waters today, and then strayed towards jazz.

Enjoy.

Poule fou

Feeling like black metal today

French Canadian Black Metal

Gris - Veux-tu Danser

Great Gatsby - The Game

Click Here to Play

Psychoactive Front Demo

Psychoactive Front Seriously Harms your Health and that of Others Around You

1 - Part One
2 - Demonized
3 - Slow Recovery
4 - Delirious
5 - Cannabis
6 - Stations
7 -

Download Link; http://preview.tinyurl.com/5tejrmx

 

Blackpool has...

A sea monster, you pay 50p and you see the sea monster. This got me thinking, this small fishtank, full of dirty water and plastic fish is probably overlooked for the most part but somebody must profit from it. I keep wondering who gets all those 50p's, how many people pay to see the sea monster? I didn't have the right change so I missed out on it. Next time I'm up north I'll keep 50p aside and hope I'm not funding something sinister. Also, further out towards the countryside, where dogs are allowed in pubs, there are llamas (or alpacas). I saw them, I briefly passed a field with several llamas and tried to work out how they ended up there.

Tomorrow is the start of my latest Cannabis tolerance break, which will hopefully go better than recent previous attempts. I'm totally opposed to turning down free weed, as a matter of principle I will smoke when it is offered. But for the next few weeks I'm unlikely to be around weed, unlikely to be able to afford weed and feeling like I need to break the routine again. I've got that intense, mindblowing high to look forward to, after a month without a single bowl you smoke up and it hits you like a train. And smoking big, pure green joints, walking down long, unlit countryside roads in the middle of the night is definitely worth experiencing.

So, weed and blackpool aside, I got thinking about Internet nostalgia earlier. The amount of information we share online, we portray ourselves through blogs and profiles and most information and media we distribute is removed and updated over time, but occasionally some of it becomes a permanent fixture of the Internet and is beyond deletion or modification. Embarrassing forum posts, myspace profiles from 2004 and so on. I also considered how close communities can be torn apart when webmasters decide to throw the towel in, in the case of totse, and the first board I ever posted on 'Tomb of Carpathia'. ToC was an obscure, unofficial Cradle of Filth board populated by black metal fans who were more at home on this isolated ezboard forum, than they were on the official and far more closely monitored official alternative.

I met people through ToC who are close friends of mine to this day, other individuals remained in contact too, but upon deletion of the forum the community, its culture and unique inside humour were gone for good. As far as I'm aware, no archives exist and nobody backed up any threads. I find it hard to imagine the Internet will ever exist in the form it did ten years ago, the sense of belonging to a particular group and community, of keeping something significant alive is gone. Internet use is now based solely on ego, and creating an idealised version of yourself online and promoting it tirelessly. We promote ourselves for feedback, comments, likes and any other meaningless reassurance, creativity and effort are entirely optional. The death of geocities and so many messageboards and BBS systems marked the end of an era. Social networking now dominates and previously strong, thriving communities fell apart from the inside.

I feel I'm now looking to the past in my general Internet use. My prior reluctance to use Facebook has become flat out refusal and most my time online is spent using Zoklet, (which came into its own upon the end of Totse) and a handful of chan imageboards. This blog is a sideline whilst I plan and design a potential homepage, another personal alternative to the seemingly monolithic Facebook, which now overshadows every aspect of the Internet. The online world has took a turn for the worst, I just hope Internet nostalgia and a genuine want for life, creativity and community online will allow the survival of sites such as totse.info and zoklet. It is wrong to feel Zoklet is just the aftermath of the golden years, if anything the smaller scale, and increasingly closely knit nature of such communities is a positive progression. There's something defiant about their survival in the increasingly cold and corporate climate of the present online world.

Ugly the Cat

I found this on 4chan;

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and, shall we say, love.

The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye and where the other should have been was a hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby, striped type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, and even his shoulders. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. “That’s one UGLY cat !”

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction.

If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness.

Whenever he spied children, he would come running, meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love.

If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbor’s dogs. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly’s sad life was almost at an end.

As I picked him up and tried to carry him home, I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. It must be hurting him terribly, I thought.

Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear. Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying, was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring.

Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion. At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly.

Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful. He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me…I will always try to be Ugly.

-By Unknown