hah

This, at Indi Bar...whoa, it just came back to me. Enough vodka and most things sound good.

I still haven't listened to the new Regina Spektor album, I bought it when it came out. Going to play it today and come back later to update this.

Where am I?

When I see a photo of myself it pretty much ruins my day. It just gets worse, I hate my shape, my face, my skin, my hair, the fact I feel I'm aging without feeling I've lived. I can see I'm aging. I don't have a high opinion of myself, to like myself I feel I have to overlook reality and that's even harder than feeling depressed. Funny thing is, I might feel better than fine by next week and like I can do whatever I want. I forget for so long, then something reminds me of the reality.

I can spend so much on clothes and items and things that might slightly improve peoples opinion of me, but underneath it all I still feel abnormal and ugly. Both inside and out. I'll probably regret writing this later, because it won't make sense any more, then something will bring me right back here. Could be catching myself in the mirror at the wrong time, or seeing another picture, but yeah, I dunno. Whatever.